More Crazy College Stress

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What a day I had. I should have been packing but I wasn’t. I just wasn’t moving fast enough for my liking this morning. I was going to go back in the basement to organize things but it didn’t happen. It was gloomy today so it didn’t help my mood to want to get out of bed. Then I wanted to work on my college things, got a phone call rushed it because I thought that the Aunt  wanted to head out the door but lo and behold she was a cross the street talking to the neighbor. So I felt bad. I had to get things corrected with my student loans but come to find out….it was nothing so I was on the phone for almost over 3 hours with The Department of Education, Sallie Mea, Kaplan and DeVry trying to fix the mistakes here. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a little better, I will have things well-organized for the shit show of money I will have to pay that I clearly wont ever have. But I am looking forward to the change and the challenge. I also need to talk more to my advisor about Crisis Intervention Management because that seems like a career I want to do, and if that is possible under the Justice of Administration.

Took some time off though during the day to go with the aunt to Home Depot to look at flooring, ask questions and what not. I was basically stalked through out the store but a red neck man in dirty jeans. EW. Then we looked at carpets, and then new fridges to which now she is getting new flooring and a fridge and the uncle is just giving me shit about the new fridge. She wanted it and its on sale for a good price.

I went and faxed my transcripts today too so I hope that helps with the evaluation process. I am looking forward to speaking with my advisor tomorrow about it. I also really this time need to finish packing. I am scared shitless flying alone.  I am looking forward to my new life goals. AND this time I am going be well-organized and up to date on EVERYTHING.

But here is Andy McKee playing Drifting for some soothingnessssssss

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So much emotion

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I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the last couple of days and I am sorry for not posting that much.

My mind is on fire and I feel like there will be no way of ever shutting it off. Everything is happening so fast too soon and I cannot take or accept this kind of change. I mean I get change, I accept it but not when something like this so drastic really hurts me.

I am exhausted so so exhausted. Its amazing what loving someone can do to your well being. They say you should set it free but for me my love I cannot set free. He is mine, I love him and he knows I am the best woman in his life.

And I am going to make sure that it stays this way.

More tomorrow. Maybe only because I have been giving my love the support that I can just being with him doing what he needs to get done. I want to eat and go right to bed. I have just wanted to sleep for days not wanting to even think about anything in my life right now. It is so much easier to hide behind my eyelids and forget life, for get pain, heartache, money, love, lies anything that bothers me. I am sure a lot can agree. But then I have to wake up or I do, and I everything come back at me like a title wave and I keep crashing again and again up against the rock. I do not wish to be the sea of emotions any longer. I want to be a mountain. Standing tall and strong and actually embracing the elements.