Opinions are like assholes, we all have one. Just shit out of yours.

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In the year 2015 I have seen a lot of things myself grow in the last 20 years. I am 26 years old and I feel utterly nervous for the future children that are being born as of right now.

We are living in a world that controlled by mass media, social networks and all the high powers of the internet. Parents throw a Kindle or a tablet in font of their faces, hand them cell phones to play with while shopping just to shut them up. Being entertained is one thing but to really close their mind to reality is scary. Children today are growing up to feel like they are too privileged to listen to authority, and take orders and be snarky an utterly rude to others while they hide behind their screens being the tough kid. All words and no verbal speech.Threaten to take away the wifi and see a major meltdown. What have we done? why is this being allowed here today?

Also having an opinion or view that is different then someone else and sharing it on a social media site will send so many people into a war fest that they think they have won the epic battle with words while in reality it is bashing others and not taking into consideration that, that other person has their right to feel what they did in the first place. Everyone has an opinion just like an asshole. But how about we let that person shit out what they want too with out you taking a fucking laxative? As I said we are hiding behind computer screens and cellphone thinking that nothing will touch you.

Growing up I was known as the person that always spoke their mind in a class room and had heated discussions with teachers which I gained some respect from fellow classmates. Now in 2015 I have been told I am cold heartless person for seeing a view on something aside from others and I am in the wrong. What is the difference from my views 10 years ago till now? Well here it is. 10 years is a long time and I have grown and matured enough to see the side of an argument as well as to think I have to write a 20 page essay in why I feel the way that I feel about something with a reference page and a cliff note attachment. People become so angry with you when you are not on the same page. I hate to pop your bubble but not everyone in this world is going to agree with you on every single thing you believe in.

I am all for a good debate really, but the fact that I am belittled and called a sad human being from a person who themselves is not the best one to be casting stones ( am being very nice to what I have verbally said to myself.) in the first place. It makes me shutter to think that these people think that they are the better ones than me because they used their words and tried talking a big game to me. Ok use all the words you want against me that is fine. Really. I don’t mind at all. I mind that you think that you are better than me because your view is better than mine. Not the case. Humans will always have augments  over the most petty things in life. So why stop now?

I am no longer using Facebook to share something that I have a belief in or something that I stand with. Why? because what is the point? I know how I feel about something and that is really is all that matters. I was whimsy and negligence and falling into that sewer of social media. I let my guard down and for that I am ashamed for. I am post here tonight because its a place that I can just share thoughts and feelings as an adult. And for Christ sake freaking spell check knows that Facebook is capsized. What is going on in this world?!

There really needs to be a break from all of this mass media and social networking. People have to make a date on their calendars to just away away put away their cellphones and tablets and be one with themselves. I told my boyfriend that we should both deactivate our accounts for a while when he is back from Antarctica and focus on what is important, us, our future and working, me finish up my second degree (why yes I added that in because of those who bashed me before whom never even obtained ONE this is a little jab at you for feeling utterly intelligent and making me feel like a horrible person and second guessing my own personal thoughts. Hows that for being a complete asshole?) and maybe planning a wedding and kids. Stuff that doesn’t have to involve the internet for once.

We are really missing the real aspects of communication with one another.

So news flash. I have an asshole. You have an asshole.

Just shit out of yours ok?

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Airlines, Death of a Star, and Madness.

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IBeen wrapping things up here getting ready for the treck home…and  I am still in shock and I cannot believe I am actually leaving…SHIT I am in shock my boyfriend is leaving!  

 Also we have lost an amazing actor today in Hollywood. Robin Williams. He took his own life this morning and I am so heart broken…he was such an amazing actor. He had drug issues as well as depression and its understandable. This is why I want to go back to school to help people. To help them with their struggles.  It something that I think I am very good at. There was something else that was going on with his life that he thought that it was much better to go, leaving his wife and children, (grandchildren?) behind. We as humans are always fighting a hard battle. Sometimes those who smile the most are the ones who struggle the most. My heart is sad for his family and as a fan I am sad and heart broken, confused and wondering why? Like everyone else. Death to some, is nothing but an escape, unwanted, unexpected, timed, or needed. I cannot tell you myself for I have thought about my own death. I have even tried taking my own life…on more than one occasion. Sad. I know, I know that suicide is selfish to my family. Am I calling Robin Williams selfish? I don’t know….I am sad that he is gone. No more amazing movies to come, his tv show, his comedy, just him himself. We don’t know what he was dealing with inside and for how long.  I want to study behavioral science. To try and find out why humans think, react, and do things they do. I just wish that he got the help that he KNEW was out there for him….he must have thought that it was easier to let thing go and just…find silence within himself. Death is never easy for anyone. No matter what the situation is. And you know what? It doesn’t matter that he was a famous celebrity. Could have gone to rehab again? Yes. Could he have done something with money? Yes. Pain is pain. NO matter what the issues he was dealing with. Drugs, depression, what have you. It was his struggle his life. His pain. NO money can ease any sort of pain that is inside. NO matter what. I just wish myself personally that love could have been enough for him. Love saved me. And I am heartbroken.

 

On a totally different and unrelated notion I bought my one way ticket back home. Told my mother and she is more than thrilled that I am coming home. Granted it is not what I really wanted to but it is what it is. It took me 2 beers to click and get things ready to go. I hated myself for spending so much money on a one way flight. But I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend. And I am. I also sent out TWO boxes UPS to my mothers house. Not what I wanted to do either. Also SNHU is being a fucking pain in my ASS. UGH. I hope tomorrow there will be more progress. It also didn’t help that I also drank A LOT of Gin but its all good. I am good.

Just sitting on the couch watching Air Force One with another love Harrison Ford, my love, just trying to make things ok before he is gone for 6 months. I am dying. I am…dying on the inside. I mean not really but emotionally. I have had so much being thrown at me this year that its insane. I want to be able to connect with old friends back home maybe really work on my relationship with my family. I also feel that my boyfriends mom is avoiding me at all cost because of reason of unknown. Has he told her that he wanted to end the relationship and she is keeping her distance? am I overreacting like I always do? I don’t know.

I need to go and find something to eat my head is killing me and I am getting tired. GAH. Sunday I am off back home…and I have never been more afraid in all of my life.