Just as the title says. I am in a glass case of emotion, to which I cry and screaming on the inside fighting back the tears when on the outside I am bubbly and smiling.
I feel as though today more than ever that my boyfriend is detaching himself from me, I feel empty so fucking empty. He still hasn’t done or said anything to me in a kind loving manner. If he doesn’t say anything to me tonight or before I board my plane tomorrow its not going to end well.
We still have to go and get some last minute items because god for bid there are just so much one human being can really take.
I a try and drink my coffee but it is turning in my stomach and I feel ill. I feel ill with the loss of my best friend over a job of a life time. And no one, NO ONE has bothered to ask me how I feel. Because like said it isn’t about me. I am just the girl friend. Nothing more, perhaps something less.
I just needed to get my anger out. Once I am back home I will be going through a lot of anger stages and hating everything and everyone in may path. I have school starting and I need to finish my financial aid as well, god damn I cannot be that person to sign that document that I will be owing the 21,000 dollars. FUCK ME….but…but…I have too and know this. I have to do it and I don’t want to I just …..so frustrated beyond belief
and I am starting to panic that my stuff isn’t going to make it to my moms house….god I hate everything. My make up looks fantastic I am dolled up for my boyfriend who I hasn’t even noticed. I am getting all worked up over what he would consider nothing. But like I said my feelings and emotions are null and void …because his are the only ones that matter and if I were to open my mouth I am the bad guy.
I have to go.