A Case of the Monday’s

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Good Morning. Kind of. Well yes it really is morning for me not sure where for everyone else and depending on what time you read this….moving on.

My weekend was fantastic. AMAZING. Actually. My boyfriend took me out on a date night on Saturday, nice romantic dinner and then we went and saw the movie Tammy which I recommend to those who love comedy. Then we got up super early on Sunday to go the Denver Zoo!!!! 

I love animals so freaking much I actually this week have a job opportunity to work at the zoo doing guest service. How awesome would that be? My friend and family would lose their mind because of how much I love animals. Being so close to them, looking into a gorillas eyes and seeing how closely related we really are took my breath away. Just listening to little children gasp and get just as excited this adult here made me feel alive! I was tugging my boyfriend along going COME ON COME ON! Smiling all day long up until we went to bed. Animals to me are so much more interesting than humans.I have been asked why I never become a zoologist or something in that field. Well I don’t really know. I guess I tried to look at having a degree that would make sure I was getting money. Low and behold not so much. I have a degree and no job to show for it. It makes me feel like maybe I really did chose the wrong path. But what is that path I am supposed to take? Being at the zoo has really made me re-think a lot of things in my life. I was so over joyed walking through the zoo seeing animals that I have only seen on tv and books (internet too) that I wanted to get closer to them. I am not saying I am going to go back to school to work with Animals but I think it is time I get into something that I am very passionate about. Like writing, and helping people. 

I have thought about going back to school to be come an eating disorder consular for adults. I have been battling this illness for so long that I cannot stand the thought of others suffering like I have. (am, is, learning….) As as an Adult it is so much harder to be able to move on and change while as a child/young adult your brain is still developing and can make changes rather quickly I feel personally that is. I am sure people can disagree but I myself as an adult who has started this hellish journey at 19 and it kept going and going and going and going. I want to help and show them that change is possible. But my boyfriend has said its a good idea that I want to help “broken people.” but I need to be fixed myself before giving advice to others or even trying to give advice to those where I can’t even take advice myself. Yes I agree and I know that I say things to other people to help but where I can’t even help myself. Ugh. Such a vicious cycle. 

It seriously took a zoo to made me smile deeply inside to really make a change. Once I can get settled with a job, and money, and a new home school will be on my to do list. 

Meet my new friend the Komodo Dragon 🙂

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2 thoughts on “A Case of the Monday’s

  1. Sonja

    My random thoughts:
    I think you’d make a pretty rad counselor. Many people who study psychology are people who consider themselves to have personal demons, and through the learning of how to help others are able to help themselves. Also, from what I’ve read things like eating disorders are life long struggles and it seems more about management then totally getting over it… if that makes sense. I might be wrong but I read it in a few psych articles. It’s sorta like my depression: at this point I know it’s never going to go away completely I just strive for under control and, you know, try not to play with sharp objects when I feel it spiking and brimming out of control region.
    Of course there are many other ways to educate and help young people (or any people) with eating disorders. You are a great writer. I can see you as a motivational speaker. Or a support group leader. Or you could write books about young people struggling with disorders. I think those types of things could be beneficial. Or you could raise awareness with (what I remember being) great poetry. Raising awareness is a major way to make an impact within a community. I feel like many people don’t like talking about depression or eating disorders because they are linked with shame. So then I wondered if I tried to talk about it in a more casual setting and just have a discussion with people about it without if I could start an honest discourse. Three of my students admitted to being suicidal and depressed in high school and talked about how its still a struggle. It was a crazy huge bonding experience and they formed a type of support group on their own for each other (unforeseen side effect there). Anywho, my point being I think you have the ability to make a difference if you are passionate about it, even if you don’t go back to college. (which is also totally doable).
    And just for the record I thought you were really pretty in high school. I know that doesn’t really change anything but just thought you should know. Skeletal you made me kinda freak out when I saw pics because it made me think of when I dropped a ton of weight. I had these really vivid dreams of my sharp ribs breaking through the thin layer of skin covering the cage and gushing blood everywhere.
    Also, I always figured you’d become a writer and move to the UK (don’t ask why. no idea. Just felt you and UK made sense).
    Course it’s your life and you have the ability to pursue any dream you want.
    Here’s my last tidbit (it is advice I tell myself): for a long time I focused on trying to be happy. I told myself: be happy. How can I be happy? I NEED to be happy. and then I realized I was stressing myself the fuck out. So I said to myself one day: focus on healthy. If I can manage healthy, happiER will come. Things are perfect but since I’ve started trying that I have a lot more up days than down days. Hell I even have months of up days, never thought that would happen. So don’t know if it’ll work for you or if I’m just rambling into the void, but aim for healthy. Happy will come.
    And never forget how smart and funny you are.

  2. Sonja

    *It’s meant to say: “Things AREN’T perfect but since I’ve started I have more up days than down.” damn typing fast and forgetting to put in contractions

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