Being in this kind of situation is never a fun or an easy task. A lot of people just don’t understand you can’t just WAKE up and be ok with yourself. I know what I need to do and order to be ok but someday’s it just work out that way. I wish people who know someone with an eating disorder would do some research and not just be like “oh well get over yourself.” it hurts, its a mental illness that we have in our heads that we hate ourselves, our bodies, our skin, our legs, our stomachs. It is become more apparent to me that people with eating disorders are not hiding it anymore. I am not saying they are doing it for the attention its a way to ask for help. I kept mine a secret for so many years but the time I thought I was good at it…my secret was already out. Because of my body. My body was the billboard and I was screaming “I AM KILLING MYSELF LOOK AT ME.” and that is not what I wanted to be like.
I know there is hope and I know there is help. It is just harder when you are an adult trying to do adult things, working on your own doing things your own way. Kids you have parents and I know that you think they wont understand or care that is bullshit. Every parent wants to see their kids happy. Living. Loving life. It isn’t that bad.
We work things out I guess in our own way.
At the age of 11 I walked into my doctor’s office for a yearly checkup. I was weighed, I was measured, I was given a shot, etc. My doctor had a chart in front of him where he had circled my BMI. I was overweight. He told me to cut down on junk food and to take more walks.
At the age of 12 my mother went on Weight Watchers. Taking me with her. Together we went to the gym, went to meetings, and counted our daily points. I slowly began looking more like all my friends and less like a contestant on the biggest loser. My mom and I were on great terms, best friends. I felt like I was in an episode of Gilmore Girls that summer. My mother was so proud of me. And people kept telling me that I looked good. I had never been…
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